Dear family,
Merry Christmas from California. I've been here for 7 months, and I've seen a lot, learned a lot, grown a lot--guess that's life. I have vacation for 11 days, and I was going to go to Colorado to ski and be with my friends and people I consider family in that region, but circumstances are such with my current job that I felt it better to stay in the area and look for my next opportunity. I gave my company an opportunity to keep me, but they could not offer a raise without having to offer raises across the board, which would be healthy for the organization--turn over is 100% every year. So, I let them know I would stay with them until they could find a replacement. They have found her and as of the turn of the year she will be coming in to work with me for a few weeks. This is a good move for all involved. I am not afraid, but excited. Many things can transition in a few weeks. I'm looking forward to something new, better pay, and the opportunity to perhaps learn something new.
California, as I look back on 2006, has been good for me in many ways. I've been in MI, CO, and CA this year. This is the longest I've been in one area for almost three years now. I'm very, very happy to stabilize. I feel my heart constrict, expand, weep and settle--shaking off old things to come into something richer, the hues of these colors are not as vibrant as the primary colors of the adventures of the past three years, but they are deep and good and fulfilling.
I have loved someone deeply and lost him, and that has taken a toll on my heart. But he was wise in his decision to move forward, given our differences in perspective. Roree is an exceptional person. I am more...for having known him. I have found a good church and a good Bible study. I am slowly making friends that will mean something to me for a lifetime, not just acquaintences that are here today and gone tomorrow. I love San Diego for the most part. There are some people and some places in this metropolitian area that are so cold and heartless, and I found myself floundering in the culture. But then the Lord kindly directed me to some different areas of the city, different pockets of culture, families and churches and organizations that care. It blessed me and encouraged my heart. I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be, but finding my way in this city is and has been tough. There are a lot of transient folks that come in and out, and when you live that way...as I have for a long while...it creates this cultivated detachement that makes people cold sometimes, unable to be transparent and open and invest in others. I've had to really step back from myself a few times and ask Christ to keep my heart soft.
I find that's where I am these days...hopeful, prayerful, watchful--that my heart would stay open, soft and feminine. Pray for me in the next few weeks please, as I would truly, truly appreciate a gentle shift into something better vocationally. I need the Lord's guidence and ability to open doors for me. I would really like to be married as well, so if you would pray for me this year to meet a good man, a godly man, an attractive man who finds me beautiful and I find him the same in return, a man who loves me and loves this deep heart I've been given... I would really appreciate the combined efforts of my people. I know you pray. I'd like to have children. I'd like to grow old with someone. I'd like to have a home. I'd like to have something normal and good even if it is hard. I pray for something ordinary and magical. God can do that.
I love all of you. I know I don't post things often, but that doesn't mean I don't think of all of you. I do, and I'm grateful to be from such a great family. If any of the cousin's reading this have a myspace account visit me, join my friends list: www.myspace.com/js7887.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Jenny
11 comments:
Jenny, I'm amazed at your writing...you have truly been given a gift to articulate yourself through words...Thankyou for sharing!
Jennifer, you are truely beautiful...and I know you might not want to hear it, but you are a spitting image of your beautiful mother. You will be missed at Christmas. I pray that God will grant you all of the wishes and dreams you have...it seems He's doing a pretty good job so far. You are loved. Stacey
"Something ordinary and magical", ah those words are like a warm fire, I will pray that your obvious deep heart will find it's counterpart. Thank you for your words.
Stacey, my mother is one of the most beautiful women in the world to me. Your words are a fine compliment indeed. Thank you. Now if I could only be like her in other ways, I would die knowing I left the world more than when I entered it. She is great. I'm blessed to have her as a mom.
Thanks for the kind words everyone... It is really encouraging. Jenny
Merry Christmas Jen!!! You are BEAUTIFUL - and you know I'm praying for you - much luv :)
Jennifer~
God has given you such a deep heart and spirit and I identify with you on so many levels. I pray for you tonight that God will grant you peace in this phase of your life and a love that is deeper than the oceans. And a mind that reach up to the heavens such as your's does. Amen.
Katie
Jennifer,
I was scrolling through the blog tonight and your beautiful face caught my attention. I read this post when you wrote it at Christmas time but I took the time to reread it today and I am wondering how you are doing now. Tell me about what has happened since you shared all this so honestly from your deep heart and soul. You are so amazing and complex. I love to read your writing. It is so poetic and expressive. love you aunt sally
P.S. loved your comments on Tashas post :)
Well, I've finished my job with La Jolla Music Society. I was and still am glad to be done. I took two weeks to train my replacement, and she is a wonderful person. We had some amazing talks about the spirit. She isn't a Christian, but was open to the love and energy of Jesus in me.
I also have maintained the most extraordinary relationship with one of my co-workers there. She and I talked tonight for two hours, about God and the Spirit and dreams. She was raised Catholic, is dating a Muslim--a wonderful, wonderful person who I respect deeply. She does not believe Jesus is the son of God, but was a great man and a prophet. But in all of our deep and spiritually/healing centered conversations, we have sat and ate the super of Jesus for 9 months. I believe those nine months, and in particular our conversation this evening, will manifest in very powerful ways in the years to come. She knows her boyfriend, who I believe will be her husband, carries a greatness in him. He is Pakistanian, and I deeply agree with her. I believe he will lead his people one day, in some fashion or another. His and my encounters were signficant as well. I also see things in her that are profound. She has loved me deeply, and God has used her to bless me over and over. She has very accurate dreams, and the Lord has used her to answer prayers I'd pray a night before. I'd come into work, and she'd say, "Jenn, I had this dream. Do you know what it means." And she'd tell me, and I know exactly what it was about and it would very often be an answer to questions I'd asked in prayer. We have laughed hard together.
I have not found another job, but I don't seem to be terribly bothered by that in my spirit. I've been hired on a contract basis for a few small jobs. I continue to ask the Lord about repositioning or what we're doing next, but He has not told me. He does, however, continue to comfort me in many ways that truly, truly bless me... Little things like, I was walking 3 miles from my house in a beautiful residential section of the town I live in. These are 3 and 4 million dollar show homes, and there wasn't a place to go to the bathroom. The trees and various lawns were looking rather wonderful, but I thought certain that someone would see and call the cops. I really had to go that bad. Well, I rounded the bend and there was a porta-potty and the kind men working on the house in the neighborhood let me use it. I laughed at the goodness of God. He made a way for me to go to the bathroom, wash my hands, and have a friendly hello. It told me a lot. He even knows the slightest concerns, and provides for those things when I have a need. He sees me. I do not doubt that. So, I continue to wait, and occasionally ask if we're sticking around or moving? I'm all packed if He tells me to move again. I've been hoping that I might land a really amazing job, great pay, I could afford a house and stay here...but, He may have need of me elsewhere.
That's all I know.
Thank you for asking. That was very kind of you, Aunt Sally. I love you.
Jenn
Good Morning Jenn,
I was pleased to see that you responded so quickly. I didn't know if anyone else did the scroll down thing.
It is good to get the update on what is going on with you. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. You are so right, He sees you and He has a place for you.
I love you too, aunt sally
That would be kudos to Stacey who forwarded your comment to me, or I don't think I would have ever known about it. Love you too. Jenny
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